My Flat In The Elephant

Dec 2005

I finally took the plunge into the property market in September 2005 and put a deposit down on a 2 bedroom new build flat in a Zone 1 neighbour 'hood' called Elephant and Castle. 

Despite being a bit of an 'impulse buy', the property is all new, has a secure garage for the motorcycle and is really close to the city - ideal for cutting down the commute time and going out.

Some Pictures

The view from the balcony.  You can just make out London Eye, Lambeth Place and Big Ben if you look hard enough in the photo.

Balcony, tables and Weber BBQ.

The Weber close-up.  I must say that owning a Weber BBQ has been a dream of mine for the last six years that I've been living in London.  Now, I finally have one and a place to put it.  Perfect for lamb roasts.

Living Room

Gerry The Humping Dog

Kitchen

The bathroom

My cleaner. Well.  The ex-cleaner.  She kind of used to look like this except for the fact that she was a brunette.  She does however have the uniform and often used to wear it while cleaning the house ... in my dreams!

Second bedroom.

Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of the master bedroom as it has been fully converted into an S&M suite complete with swing from the ceiling, torture (pleasure) rack, whipping chair and a few other devices that would do the Spanish Inquisition proud.  

All it needs is some-one who is Spanish, inquisitive, handy with a whip, has a Girl Guide badge in knot tying and an assertive voice that won’t wake my flatmate or the gay boys that live next door.  I am a very naughty less than equal opportunity employer/slave/doggy and must therefore be punished.  Spanish Inquisition outfit included (see picture below). 

Care to apply for the position?  Email me your resume, saucy pictures of yourself and a cover letter explaining why you would be perfect for the position ... and whatever others that come into my sick twisted mind.

Actually, I'm not really that bad.  I'm just in a silly kind of mind right now.

The Developers Website

Here's the developers website if you want to check it out.

http://www.southcentral-london.com/phase1.html

The South Central East Building

Crime Statistics

And just in case you're interested, here's the crime statistics for my area. http://www.met.police.uk/crimefigures/datatable.php?borough=md&period=year

11 homicides! Wow!

More than any other borough in inner London from what I can see except Camden (glad I'm not living there!). Obviously the two major entrepreneurial groups in the area - Jamaicans and Columbians - are competing heavily for a share of local discretionary spending on non prescription pharmaceutical products.

And judging from the wildly coloured concierge desk (not featured on the developers website), I think the builders have already been smoking crack which they probably purchased from recently busted crack house in Meeting House Lane. Hats off to hardworking detectives in the Southwark Drugs' Squad and Operation Trident. Well done guys.

Still, things can only get better according to the elephant and castle regeneration website. Half the place is being knocked down in the next 5 years. And the website also has brochures of some lovely local walks to go on that highlight places of historical, architectural and mythical (huh!) interest. http://www.elephantandcastle.org.uk/

Why is it called 'Elephant and Castle'?

Good question.  very good question. Extremely good question.  And I think the children of the Charles Dickens Primary School students answer it best.

The Elephant And Castle symbol out the front of the 'historic' and crappy looking shopping centre in the middle of Elephant and Castle.  The shopping centre is historic apparently because it was the first 'covered market' in England.  Now it just looks like crap.