Inside The Mind Of The Gay Sheep

September 2005.  Taken from The Register

Absolute proof that scientific research budgets are not always squandered on sniffing around the Martian surface or making particles go really fast comes with the latest findings of a team from the Oregon Health & Science University School. Indeed, proponents of the theory that there may be structural differences between the brains of heterosexual and homosexual men will be delighted with the results of the latest research into gay sheep.

The team's probing of the workings of the minds of these furry Friends of Dorothy indicate that they have smaller ovine sexually dimorphic nuclei (oSDNs) than their straight counterparts.

These nerve cells are found in the hypothalamus, which is - among other things - responsible for sexual behaviour. Apparently, rams who prefer the company of ladies have larger oSDNs packed with more neurons.

The team tested 27 adult, 4-year-old sheep of various breeds. The group comprised eight males who preferred girls, nine with a penchant for boy-on-boy and 10 ewes whose sexual proclivities are not noted. Animal experts reckon that around 8 per cent of domestic rams demonstrate homosexual tendencies.

Team leader professor Charles Roselli said: "This particular study, along with others, strongly suggests that sexual preference is biologically determined in animals, and possibly in humans. The hope is that the study of these brain differences will provide clues to the processes involved in the development of heterosexual, as well as homosexual behaviour."

So there you have it. Mankind takes another significant step on the road towards ultimate scientific enlightenment.

Makes you wonder what the sheep were really thinking, though.

Picture this ....two sheep, in a field.

First Sheep: Hey Freddie!

Second Sheep: Artie, I'm tryin' to eat over here.

First Sheep: Yeah, but those guys in the white-coats are watching us again and tapping their pink forepaws on those little boards. Let's mess with them!

Second Sheep: Artie, if I don't enjoy this grass, somebody else will. Why don't you go mess with Willis, or Evelyn?

First Sheep: C'mon Freddie! Evelyn has a major 'tude, yunno? And they took Willis away yesterday.

Second Sheep: Willis, man. He's probably in somebody's stomach already.

First Sheep: I know! That's why we gotta mess with these guys!

Second Sheep: Say what?

First Sheep: Yunno, act weird. Get real freaky. If we keep them guessing, jeez, maybe we'll live longer.

Second Sheep: You think?

First Sheep: You see any other options?

Second Sheep: Not really. Whatcha got in mind?

First Sheep: Okay, don't lose your shit. I'm gonna mount you.

Second Sheep: Like fuck you are.

First Sheep: C'mon! It'll be a scream! The white-coats will crap!

Second Sheep: Get the fuck away from me, Artie.

First Sheep: C'mon, Freddie! I'm no fag, but if it'll keep us in clover and babes a little longer it's worth a shot.

Second Sheep: Okay, I guess. But you just mount and play-act a little, awright? You try slapping it home and I swear I'll stomp the crap out of you.

First Sheep: Jeez, what about authenticity? You see the size of the craniums on those white-coats? They look pretty sharp.

Second Sheep: Let's just forget-

First Sheep: No, no, we'll just fake it, I'm cool. Okay, here we go.

Second Sheep: Urgh!

First Sheep: Yeah-bob!

Second Sheep: What the fuck was that?

First Sheep: Umm... I slipped.

Second Sheep: You are mutton, my little friend.
 

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